well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
