it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
