So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
