You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
