Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
