you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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