I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
