I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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