I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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