so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
