I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
