I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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