Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
