u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
