:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
