While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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