Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
