she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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