He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
