my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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