I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
