capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
