dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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