I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
