dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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