let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
