No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
