Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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