If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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