The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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