would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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