Pappa wants mamma naked
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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