Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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