I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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