My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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