i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
