I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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