just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
