Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
