so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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