Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
