I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
