I wannas sexs uuuuu
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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