if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
True college students do jello shots in the library
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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