I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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