So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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