When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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