His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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