so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
