mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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