Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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